I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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