I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??