if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store