I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.