I hate your face
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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