Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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