I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.