so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.