6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
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You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"