If that was your dad, he is hot
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
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how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK