Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.