If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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