Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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