Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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