3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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