It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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