I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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