What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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