Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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