I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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