No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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