i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
