I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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