how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
