i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
