I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
