Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize