if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
