i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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