Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?