so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean