Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  R you on birth control?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  No, why?

  (212): View more from New York

  ...no reason

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  (212): R you on birth control? (1-212): No, why? (212): ...no reason http://tfl.nu/zfov
  Replies (6) Good night (759) Bad night (1533)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Da na na, na na naa

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  (571): I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background (202): Da na na, na na naa http://tfl.nu/9l4t
  Replies (35) Good night (3803) Bad night (594)
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  (415): View more from California

  I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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  (415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149
  Replies (75) Good night (1337) Bad night (5200)
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  (714): View more from California

  Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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  (714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys
  Replies (19) Good night (1454) Bad night (6253)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.

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  (360): Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building. http://tfl.nu/uuvc
  Replies (4) Good night (821) Bad night (2680)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.

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  (202): Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile. http://tfl.nu/r7sn
  Replies (6) Good night (1158) Bad night (3318)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.

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  (918): Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help. http://tfl.nu/4c79
  Replies (8) Good night (1233) Bad night (2983)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it

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  (816): She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it http://tfl.nu/ag4k
  Replies (8) Good night (2731) Bad night (797)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.

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  (770): We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere. http://tfl.nu/s422
  Replies (2) Good night (2143) Bad night (930)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs

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  (860): You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs http://tfl.nu/mobo
  Replies (6) Good night (805) Bad night (1993)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there

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  (+44): She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there http://tfl.nu/j1ap
  Replies (6) Good night (2191) Bad night (556)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.

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  (913): I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll. http://tfl.nu/i4my
  Replies (0) Good night (969) Bad night (538)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest

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  (217): Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest http://tfl.nu/6z1q
  Replies (3) Good night (822) Bad night (359)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?

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  (203): Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish? http://tfl.nu/j5ph
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (388)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?

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  (519): Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!? (1-519): Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic? http://tfl.nu/6rsm
  Replies (1) Good night (756) Bad night (395)

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