i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day