Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
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It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.