You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found puke in my bra..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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