Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
