As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?