Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me