Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.