You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize