Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
