is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
