...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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