Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
