I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize