There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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