Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
