i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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