i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
