booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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