My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
