3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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