My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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