I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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