She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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