Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING