I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.