I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.