3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch