overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost