Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
