What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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