I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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