In the future we'll all be gay
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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