I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize