I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
