i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish you could order shots online.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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