I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
